Is separation the best choice in this situation?
< strong>Question by 5Angels: Is separation the best choice in this situation?
My husband and I have three small children, an 18 month old and 7 month old twins. There has been a lot of conflict in our marriage, and there have been domestic violence issues as well. We both tend to hold a lot of anger. I started counseling sessions to try and deal with some of my problems. He has said many times during our relationship that he would attend counseling for his anger issues, but has never gone. The final straw was when I went into my 7 month old son’s bedroom early one morning and found my husband beating on the mattress beside his head because he was frustrated that he was not sleeping well. I was always concerned that because he seemed to have no problem putting his hands on me during his bouts of anger that eventually he would take it out on the children as well. I filed a personal protection order that day. He has tried to contact me since, blaming me that he cannot be around his children or in the house. This situation has been building up for a long time. Besides the anger issues in our relationship, there has been a lack of motivation on his part to do much of anything. He has only had a job for about 8 months out of the 3 years we have been together. He has a poor job history, that I found out about after we were married. He has hardly even been looking for a job. When I obtained a job, I ended up having to leave after orientation because he couldn’t handle staying home with the kids and was frustrated with them everyday. In addition, basic maintenance around the house or car maintenance does not get done for months at a time. I have tried to have so many discussions with him about this situation and my concerns, yet it always ends up in an argument. Not a day went by in our house where I didn’t hear from him how he wanted to kick someone’s a**. In addition, over the course of our relationship, I have caught him on singles sites, talking with other women on messenger, on porn sites, and showing naked pics of himself to women online.
I’m just not sure if I have done the right thing for my kids. I don’t want them growing up in a house full of conflict or violence. My daughter already witnessed my husband knocking me to the ground once before. I know he is trying to lay a guilt trip on me now that he is gone. He is trying to blame me for everything, promising he will change and attend counseling. I don’t believe him because he has said these things before and nothing has changed.
Best answer:
Answer by Roxy
Divorce him. It’s bad enough that your husband is physically abusive to your but he beats your own children and you are tolerating it. You are supposed to protect your children since they are completely defenseless. Get out now.
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you need to get out of it as violence in all forms is totally unaceptable.. so in the first instance you need to move out or make him go.. then if he does love you and wants to change he will then go to the councelling if he does not want to accept this then i would def call it a day
As the child of a man who; beat his wife and children, was addicted to porn, who had affairs.
Yesterday was the day you should have left.
The welfare of your children supersedes everything.
PERIOD.
You might have doubts, confusion. If you were not a parent you could indulge those doubts and see if you could make it work. You do not have that luxury.
Those little babies will one day be adults, and when they are they will applaud your courage and thank you for saving them.
Continue to get counseling, raise your kids in a home of safety. You will be the inspiritation another women needs one day.
YOU ARE stronger then you know.
I think that you are doing the right thing because it will only get worse, get rid of him. If he really wants to spend time with his kids, tell him to go through the courts.